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The White Lotus Kill-or-Be-Killed Report: Stop the Steal


Several tough breaks for Gaitok this week.

Poor Piper came all this way to feel the presence of God and Buddha and instead she’s surrounded by gross men, from Gary, who won’t stop staring at her during yoga, to both of her brothers, who keep clocking how attractive she is and want to know whether she’s had sex. Incredible gender studies class from Victoria this week, wherein we learn some of her guiding principles: Actresses are “all basically prostitutes, if they’re lucky”; your brother is allowed to abuse you in a vaguely sexual manner as long as when you’re adults you’ve repressed all your anger about it and can say that you’re very close. I lost it when he finally got Kenny on the phone and asked if he was implicated — clearly hoping, delusionally, that the answer would be “nah, you’re fine bro” — and instead the response was, “YES for SURE, get a good lawyer like YESTERDAY because we are ALL going to DIE in PRISON.”

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