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The Valley Season-Premiere Recap: Hell Week


Jax and Brittany’s divorce looks so much worse than we could have imagined.

Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney moved there, and only a few short years later, they consciously un-Bubba-ed and are both living in bad apartments on the wrong side of Mulholland. Based on all of this evidence, it seems entirely plausible that this development of too-big houses with refrigerators large enough to contain a Range Rover was built on a Native American burial ground. Jesse is dating someone in Orange County who is probably Heather El Moussa’s clone, and Michelle is with a guy named Aaron who looks like a cousin of the bride I would flirt with at a straight wedding to keep myself entertained.

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