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The Bachelor Recap: All in the Family


Who would have thought this would be the final three after a truly baffling Hometowns episode?

“That’s right, they don’t need a narrative or any vertical integration if they’re super fucking hot,” the executive laughs as she wipes her brow and takes a sip of water. She opens Dina’s TraitMatrix and sees “Large Family: Subcategory, Immigrants,” then “Religious,” and then “Lawyer,” “Successful,” and “Chicago.” The executive starts tapping on the words but … nothing happens. And if you thought that Juliana, Litia, and Zoe would be the final three heading to Fantasy Suites, I want to ask you what it is like being able to predict everything that’s going to happen in the future with 100 percent accuracy, no matter how unlikely the outcome is.

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