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Some Unsolicited Ideas for Ariana Grande’s Next Movie
Nobody is doing it like Ariana in Wicked, and accordingly, we must invent some new projects for her.
Was it the time period when, as a young child, she got hit with two separate hockey pucks at Florida Panthers games, just as the prophecy foretold, marking her as the future premier vocalist of her generation? In Wicked, Ariana is on some real Old Hollywood, screwball-heroine, Barbra Streisand–meets–Lucille Ball shit — singing live while hanging precariously from a chandelier, high-kicking in a hallway, pratfalling and preening, mastering the comedic timing and transatlantic elocution of her Golden Age forebears while also projecting deep sincerity, tears shaking at the edge of her REM Beauty–lashed doe eyes. Ariana plays an out-and-proud pasta magnate named Mia who, reeling after a breakup from her longtime lover (Cynthia Erivo, in flashback), is tasked with designing a new spaghetti shape.
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